“The Good/Bad Lie Questionnaire”
1. When it comes to lying in a marriage, I believe:
A: never 1
B: whenever 0
C: it depends on the situation 3
2. My spouse asks me about his/her new jeans. I think my spouse looks just okay. I say:
A: oh my gosh, you look great in those jeans. 2
B: you want me to be honest right? They’re just okay. 1
C: I think you look good in them. 3
3. I just got off the phone with my spouse, remembered that I did not call the doctor as I said I would a day ago. I told my spouse:
A: of course I called. 0
B: I can’t believe you’re even asking me that! I told you I would do it; you don’t have to ask. 0
C: I’m really sorry, I totally forgot but I will do it right now as soon as we hang up. 3
4. Your mother-in-law just left after a 10 day visit. It wasn’t easy. Your spouse asks you how the visit was for you. You say:
A: it went pretty well, but can we talk before her next visit so we could make it even better? 3
B: Read my lips, never again, never again. 0
C: it really did not go well for me. We have to discuss this before she comes back the next time. 2
5. After committing to your agreed budget you spent more on a personal item than agreed. You had agreed to spend up to $200 and you spent $325. You tell your spouse:
A: can you believe it, I got it for $199! 0
B: I spent more than we had agreed. Can I spend less next month? 3
C: it was just a little bit over. 1
11-15You’re doing well understanding when and when not to lie. Keep focusing on helping your spouse feel loved by being aware of when your spouse would and would not want you to lie.
6-10 You need help learning what type of lies are appropriate and inappropriate. Consider talking to your spouse about developing guidelines for honesty in your relationship.
0-5 You’re a lying machine and in all the wrong places. Get help immediately with your honesty and understanding When you can or cannot lie before you create serious distrust in your relationship.
For more information about lying in a marriage, click here to see Gary’s latest article
The Good and Bad Lies in a Marriage.